Letting Go of Old Stories

Something I've been thinking about lately:

You know how you have those old stories about yourself that you've carried your whole life?

Like - 

"Oh, I'm not _____ enough to do ______" 

e.g. "Oh, I'm not smart enough to go for my dreams"

The Quiet Call of the Yoga Mat

You lie there on the floor, waiting patiently for me to notice you.
I glance at you and look the other way

After all, there are more pressing matters to attend to,
such as

A Zen Tip

Yesterday afternoon I was tackling my to-do list and feeling distracted and stressed.

Telling My Truth

 
What I'm up to this week:

I'm in the middle of a personal writing course about telling your true stories.

Real stories that come from the tender, raw heart of the animal within me - the part of me that's fully and unabashedly vital. She feels and sees everything and names it.

Finding Courage in My Gentle Heart

Today, I would much rather share photos from my lovely autumn hike, my tiny animal collection, or tell you about the pale pink rose I passed on my afternoon walk that smells like heaven.

But in this moment, my heart moves me to speak about something else.

This week, I attended Marianne Williamson's talk at a church in New York City. The topic was spirituality and politics. With her usual outspoken, fiery passion, Marianne pleaded with the audience to not just pray, but to stay watchful of the political situation and actively get involved to change what we disagree with.

Now, aside from voting, I’ve never gotten involved in politics. My parents, who immigrated here from Asia, never discussed politics at the dinner table. They were overwhelmed enough with assimilating into their new life and raising small children, that there was no room for it - not to mention, they felt it was best to stay quiet and blend in. Politics have always felt dirty and complicated to me. It’s so much easier for me to sit, meditate and send love to the world.

So I looked the other way. 

A Healing Gift For You

I've just returned from a spiritual retreat, for which I was deeply grateful to attend after last week's events here in the US.  For now, I'll refrain from saying much about the election, because so much has already been said. No matter where you stand on the election results, I'm sure it's clear to all of us that our country (and our world) is in need of healing.

I'm still untangling my thoughts and feelings around this. But it consoles me to think that from our limited human perspective, because we're in the midst of history unfolding, we cannot see the bigger picture, or know what is ultimately for the greater good of all, and what positive change may unfold in these transformative times. 

My prayer is that we keep our faith in love, remembering that fear weakens, while love strengthens and heals. There are many ways that each of us will initiate the change we want to see in the world. Some will protest, rebel, petition, donate, volunteer, pray....No matter what you choose to do, let love be at the core of your actions, thoughts and words. Simple and cliche as it sounds, Love is ultimately the only thing that will truly heal the collective mess we find ourselves in. 

Here is a healing gift I have created for you:

When Your Mood Falls with the Autumn Leaves

I love the Fall. I love the stunning sight of the trees changing colors, stomping in piles of crunchy fallen leaves, the rich textures and colors of layered fall clothing, and being cozy at home.

But truth be told, in this time of seasonal transition when the sun goes down earlier, the sky turns grey and windy, and temperatures start to drop, sometimes my mood goes down with it.

It’s a really uncomfortable place to be. All I want to do is mope, lie on the couch in my pajamas and mindlessly devour an entire box of Cheez-Its (my favorite junk-food vice) and wallow in my sadness.

But fortunately, over time I have learned how to move myself out of a melancholic mood more quickly than I used to. I'm sharing a few of my own quick and simple practices, just in case it helps any of you reading this:

throwing away memories

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I'm still in the middle of decluttering. I have been re-listening to my audiobook of Marie Kondo's "The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up" to motivate me. She's adamant about following the exact order in which one should tidy one's home: first clothes, then books, then other categories, and lastly, photos and other sentimental items. But I've had this nagging feeling that I must start with the photos first (I can almost hear Ms. Kondo scolding me for doing this, but that's ok). I've been staring at six dusty boxes of old photos on the bookshelf for months. I feel like they are energetically causing some blockages because they are old memories that I need to release before moving forward. 

Packing Lightly for Travel and Life

I've just returned from a lovely two week trip to Scotland, where we visited family and went to our friends' wedding.

As always, packing for my trip before I left took hours. Since I'm petite, it's not practical for me to haul big suitcases around (not to mention it looks funny when I carry a bag so big that I could fit myself into it). My go-to luggage is a lightweight carry-on bag (plus a tote), which means space is limited and I have to decide carefully which pieces to pack, which always takes me forever to decide.

Every piece must be well-considered.

How I Learned to Make Tea (the Proper Way)

(Note: This post is actually my homework from a writing class I'm taking. The assignment was to write about someone I love and describe them to the reader. OK, but how to describe my husband? Where should I start? I thought about all the things that I find unique about him, and what kept surfacing was his passion for a good cup of tea :-))

I’ll often lie in bed in the morning, half-dazed from my alarm clock’s repeated attempts to wake me up. But when I hear “Good mornin’!”, feel a kiss on my cheek and hear the clunk of a ceramic mug on the bedside table next to me, that’s my final cue to wake up. If I don’t, I’ll soon hear the voice bellowing from the kitchen, “Drink your tea while it’s hot!” 

In the earliest days of our relationship, I offered him a cup of tea at my place. But I only had a half-crushed old box of Lipton’s teabags that was left by an old roommate in my last apartment. For some reason, I’d never thought to throw it out when I moved, even if I wasn’t really a tea drinker back then. I made him a cup anyway, to which he politely said “thank you”, drank two tiny sips, and quietly placed the cup down for good. I didn’t think much of it. But that was a few days before I knew I would marry him, and discovered that he takes tea quite seriously.

Ten Random Things You Don't Know About Me

Since it's a wet, gloomy Monday here, I thought it would be fun to brighten things up today with a "Things You Probably Don't Know About Me" list. I'm personally always fascinated to read other people's lists, because it's the little, quirky things that makes a person unique, right? OK, here goes:

10 RANDOM THINGS YOU PROBABLY DON'T KNOW ABOUT ME:

1- I once worked as an extra in an unremarkable holiday film starring Drew Barrymore and Keanu Reaves (before he was famous). I played an Artist Teddy Bear and wore a heavy, full-length fur costume with a giant teddy bear head (topped with a French velvet artist's beret, naturallement!). Oh, did I mention it was filmed during a heat wave in July? That was fun.

2- I spent a good chunk of years in Germany. I did learn to speak fluent German, though for years I avoided ordering "scrambled eggs" in restaurants because saying the word made my mouth hurt ("Ruhreier" just has too many hard R's for my liking). 

3-I might be an idealist, but I believe that if people would follow their heart and spend their time doing what they loved and being true to themselves (still learning this, by the way), the world would be a much better place. 

4-My Filipino grandmother was an amazing woman with the most beautiful smile who raised seven children, dozens of grandchildren and great-grandchildren. She was the best cook in the world. Her food tasted of love. I keep a photo of her in my kitchen, and like to believe that she's giving me tips from the spirit world when I'm cooking.

5-Speaking of cooking, my favorite time to read cookbooks is while I'm eating a meal that I've just cooked. No idea why. What I'm currently reading: "Dear Francesca" by Mary Contini, "Plenty" by Yotam Ottolenghi and "The Mystic Cookbook" by Denise and Meadow Linn.

6-I love to dance. I don't do it often enough.

7-I met my Scottish husband a couple of months after I'd coincidentally put a photo of the Isle of Skye on my wall. I looked at it every day and thought to myself, "I really want to go there someday". (Eventually, I did go to Skye with my husband. Didn't see much though, because it was raining and foggy the entire time. In the wise words of my mum-in-law: "You don't go to Scotland for the weather.")

8-If you ever catch me in a crappy mood, please take me to a nice Italian restaurant. Feed me a delicious plate of housemade pasta, a glass of fine wine and a generous slice of tiramisu, and I'll forget I was ever unhappy.

9-Right after my 40th birthday, I almost lost two of the most important people in my life, within 6 months of each other. It was harrowing, and I could feel my Soul having a major and necessary growth spurt. That was the year I learned, through the grace of miracles, that I am never alone - there are angels all around, sending me love and support every single day. (Thankfully, both of my loved ones are doing much better now).

10-You will always find me where the light is, because I'm always chasing it down. Sunrise, sunsets, light rays, starlight - it's one of the most exquisite things in life and I am grateful for every day that I can see it. 

Your turn: If you had a list of 10 things that others don't know about you, what would you share? I would love to find out. 




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Freedom From Worry

"I've had a lot of worries in my life, most of which never happened." - Mark Twain

When I was a little kid, I worried a lot. As a natural empath, I picked up on my mother's anxieties as an overwhelmed young parent and immigrant in a new country, trying to fit in and create a new life. But I suspect that I had natural worrying tendencies of my own, which were exacerbated by my mother's energy.

The anxiety continued when I grew up. I worried about anything and everything, and used my creative imagination to think of worst-case scenarios fueled by fear.

It's a small miracle that I moved to a place like New York City (and stayed for so long!) because there is so much one could worry about here: crime, financial survival, air pollution, and a million other things.

When I started practicing Reiki, old ego habits that didn't serve my best interests came to my awareness to be changed and healed.

Suddenly I started to wonder what it would be like to stop worrying and being so fearful of life.

Terrorized by my own thoughts

One day, I was talking with a friend. She'd been traveling alone through Mexico and told me how she walked through a city all alone at night, met wonderful people and had such a great time. I looked at her smiling face, and it hit me in that moment. My free-spirited friend didn't worry like I did, and yet she was ok. While I'm not suggesting to give up common sense, my friend helped me realize that my worrying habit wasn't normal, just familiar. I had the freedom to choose another way.

Worrying was a survival tactic that supported a lifelong false belief: I am not safe in this world. I needed to stay in control by anticipating worst-case scenarios so I would never be caught by surprise. But instead of feeling in control, I felt paralyzed by fear and robbed of joy. When I stopped to see the reality of the moment, there was no need to clench the future so fearfully. I was alive, healthy and had everything I needed. Besides, I had lived thousands of pleasant, ordinary days on this Earth so far without any of my fears coming true (or very few, anyway).

It's easier to notice beauty in the moment when you're not busy worrying about the future

I started to change my habits. Now, when I catch myself worrying too much, I do one of a few things (or all of them):

1-Breathe deeply and drop my shoulders.

2-Name exactly what I'm worried about. If I can, I'll write the fears down - that's like shining a flashlight on the monsters in the dark closet. (Once you see them, they aren't as scary).

3-Ask myself "What if...." and complete the sentence with a positive scenario that is opposite to the scary one my fear is imagining. For example: "What if someone hands me money?" (Instead of "what if I get mugged?") The sillier the better, because it distracts the worrying mind from fearful thinking.

4-Become present and notice what is going well. I'm breathing, I'm safe, my belly is full, everything is ok.

5-Call on my angels (use your spiritual guide of choice) to replace the worry in my mind and body with a feeling of peace and breathe it in.

Tiny Guatemalan Worry Dolls 

 It takes practice, and I still worry but I'm quicker to catch it and I no longer feel imprisoned by my fears, and I enjoy my life so much more.

Do you have a worry habit? How do you cope with it? 

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